The Who vs Whom Dilemma
“Who” or “whom”? This question has puzzled English speakers for generations. While “whom” is becoming less common in everyday speech, understanding when to use each word will elevate your writing, especially in professional contexts.
The Quick Rule
Use WHO when it’s the subject (doing the action)
Use WHOM when it’s the object (receiving the action)
The Simple Trick
Replace the word with “he” or “him”:
- If “HE” works → use WHO
- If “HIM” works → use WHOM
Example:
“_____ called you?” → “HE called you” → WHO called you?
“To _____ should I address this?” → “To HIM” → To WHOM should I address this?
When to Use Who
Use “who” when it’s the subject of the sentence:
- Who is coming to dinner? (He is coming)
- Who ate my sandwich? (He ate it)
- The person who called earlier (He called)
- Who wants coffee? (He wants coffee)
When to Use Whom
Use “whom” when it’s the object of a verb or preposition:
- To whom it may concern (Concern him)
- With whom are you traveling? (Traveling with him)
- Whom did you invite? (You invited him)
- For whom the bell tolls (Tolls for him)
Common Examples
| Correct Usage | Why |
|---|---|
| Who is at the door? | Subject – doing the action |
| Whom did you see? | Object – received the action |
| Who wants pizza? | Subject |
| With whom did you speak? | Object of preposition |
| The person who called | Subject of relative clause |
| The person whom I met | Object of verb |
After Prepositions
Always use “whom” after prepositions:
- To whom (not “to who”)
- For whom (not “for who”)
- With whom (not “with who”)
- By whom (not “by who”)
- From whom (not “from who”)
In Modern Usage
In casual conversation, many native speakers use “who” in places where “whom” would be technically correct:
Formal: “Whom did you invite?”
Casual: “Who did you invite?”
Both are understood, but “whom” is preferred in:
- Professional writing
- Academic papers
- Formal correspondence
- Legal documents
Practice Exercises
Choose who or whom:
- _____ is responsible for this project? (Who)
- To _____ should I send the report? (whom)
- _____ did you ask for help? (Whom)
- The manager _____ hired me (who)
- With _____ are you working? (whom)
- _____ wants to volunteer? (Who)
- The colleague _____ I admire most (whom)
- _____ called the meeting? (Who)
Advanced Tip
When in doubt, rephrase the sentence:
Instead of: “Whom should I contact?”
Say: “Who should I get in touch with?”
This makes the sentence less formal but grammatically acceptable in most contexts.
The Bottom Line
While “whom” is declining in casual speech, mastering its proper use demonstrates linguistic precision. In professional writing, using “whom” correctly signals attention to detail and grammatical sophistication.
Remember: He = Who, Him = Whom. This simple substitution test will serve you well in nearly every situation.